The citizens of the Socialist Democracy of Amerika are, for the most part, a bunch of pansies, sissies, wimps, cowards, namby-pambys, milksops, weaklings and unmanly men. I came to this conclusion over the weekend after I went to visit the grocery store. My conclusion was further cemented in my mind after I read the Saturday edition of the Denver Post. Let me tell you about that today.
My local grocery store is filled with Yuppies and other hard-charging types who love nothing more than to wear fit-bits and talk about their latest exercise program, all while picking through various green things in the produce section that they would like other Yuppies to believe they actually eat. Near the front entrance of the store, like most businesses these days, is a section for handicapped parking. There are ten spaces available for handicapped parking and it is a rare day indeed when each space is not filled by an expensive SUV. How can it be that such health conscious people can be so handicapped, I wondered to myself? To answer my question I simply watched the people getting in and out of the cars for a while. What I learned will probably not surprise you at all.
None of the people getting in and out of the cars parking in the handicapped parking spaces were handicapped. It is true that some of them were fat and some of them were almost as old as I am but none of them appeared to be in need of a special parking place near the front of the store. As I wandered down the row of cars parked in the spaces I noticed that none of them had a handicapped license plate. Instead, all of them had temporary handicapped placards suspended from the rear-view mirrors in their vehicles. It was then I understood what was going on. These folks have someone in their family, probably an infirmed parent, who has been able to obtain the government privilege of using handicapped parking spaces. Along with that privilege comes the government approved placard that can be proudly displayed to announce the person's infirmity and his government given right to park close to the front of stores. These extraordinarily lazy and extremely sissified people are using their elderly parents placards to grant themselves government privileges to which they are not entitled just to avoid having to walk an additional ten or twenty feet on their trips to the store to buy non-GMO foods, gluten free foods, quinoa and kale. What a bunch of chumps.
I returned home from the store with my chocolate covered doughnut and sat down to read the paper. My eye was drawn to a story entitled, "Hick Signs New Law Giving Vets College Credit." Hick, for those of you who do not live in Colorado, is the governor of this lazy and corrupt state. The story that followed amazed me. In addition to all of the free things taxpayers like myself give to vets these days, they are now allowed to get college credit simply for being in the military. The new law requires Colorado colleges and universities to give vets college credit for being in military service. As justification for the new law the story said, "Many veterans either quit or did not apply for school because knowledge they acquired during service did not translate into college credits." What!? What a bunch of sissies!
I would like to be granted at least two honorary degrees by the University of Colorado in recognition of my life service to the community. If vets can get college credits for three or four years of hanging out with their buddies in the military I should be entitled to an entire degree for forty years of janitorial services provided to the citizens of the Denver metro area. Veterans just don't get it. They have been pampered and pandered to for so long they believe they are not only entitled to have their college degrees paid for, they are also entitled to get college credit without having to take classes. Everyone seems to be missing the point that college credits are to be granted for college classes, not life experience. If college degrees are supposed to be granted for life experiences everyone alive would have a multitude of various degrees. Only the sissified vets in this country could come up with a scam where they get free college credit for being on the taxpayer dole.
After finishing my doughnut, gagging on it as I read the story about free college credits for veterans, I proceeded to read another story about how the schools in Colorado Springs have decided to abolish the practice of having a valedictorian. Apparently the Spring's School District 11 voted 6-1 to abolish the practice of having a valedictorian deliver a commencement address. Even having a person recognized as a valedictorian was considered to be too harsh and intolerant. Justification for the decision was given by school board member Shawn Gullixon who declared, "I was a C student but may have aspired to perform better if my high school had used this system." The "system" Shawn is referring to is the new one that eliminates the valedictorian and declares the top 1/3 of the graduating class to be geniuses. What a bunch of sissies they all are. Can you imagine a real man complaining like a little girl that he did not do well in school because the school did not recognize him as a genius each day of the year? What a chump.
As I sat in my rocking chair watching the Rockies lose another game Saturday afternoon I thought about what I had learned that morning. I came to the only conclusion that I could come to. We have become a nation of sissies, dullards, fools, pawns, government shills and downright sissy fellows. Lazy people have to park in handicapped spaces. Ex-soldiers have to get free college credit for classes that they don't take or they won't go to college. High school students don't try hard unless they can tell themselves they are the smartest people in their class. What a joke it all is. What a shame it all is. It did not have to be this way. Thank you progressives. You have made real progress on this one.