By my calculations I have lived over 3000 weeks in my life. That means I have seen a lot of weeks over the years. Despite having borne witness to so many weeks during my lifetime I do believe that this week might be the stupidest week of them all. Just sitting here thinking about what has taken place this week causes me to believe that the citizens of the Socialist Democracy of Amerika are getting dumber every day. Let me tell you about it here today.
The week began, for me, with the revelation that a 15 year old girl from Boulder decided to destroy $1000 worth of prime, grain-fed, organic beef by holding a funeral service for the dearly departed bovines. This air-headed little girl marched into an organic meat store and put flowers on top of the sirloins and T-bones. You got that right. She put flowers on steaks as a means to memorialize the courageous lives of cattle. According to the laws of the State of Colorado a flower is a deadly contaminant so the owner of the store had to immediately destroy the tainted meat before the flower residue could kill someone. I didn't realize pollen was so deadly. Meanwhile, the girl turned herself in the day after the funeral she had conducted and was quickly granted an interview on the local nighty news. She exclaimed that she could not understand why everyone was so upset over the loss of $1000 worth of meat when the company selling the meat was making "billions of dollars." I questioned her analysis of Whole Foods' financial statements but let it pass for the time being. She also explained that she was "passionate" about animals and that they had all personally informed her that they would prefer to live rather than die. She did not explain how they managed to convey that bit of information to her.
After I finished scratching my noggin about the little girl with a propensity to deliver eulogies to cows, I learned about the 22 year old air-head (also a female) who is championing the cause of rooftop gardens. I posted to this blog earlier this week about her. She wants every new apartment/condo building larger than 25,000 square feet to be required to have a rooftop garden. If she gets her way her proposal will become law after the next general election. Why, you might ask, do developers need to place gardens on the rooftops of their buildings? Because it will slow or reverse global warming! Ha! Ha! Ha! I believe I asked the question if things could get any stupider in that post. Well, they have.
Today I learned that yesterday was national "A Day Without Women" day. Wow! I didn't even notice it. My wife is out of town for a couple of days so I was not surprised when I woke up and she was not beside me in bed. (I did wake up once and discovered that she was not beside me. In my half-dreamy state I thought she had been raptured. I later learned she had simply gone to the bathroom.) In fact, I went about the entire day and did not notice a single woman missing. I guess that proves I am a male chauvinist pig. Despite being a pig-dog when it comes to women's rights, I was intrigued by the fact that some women believed they needed to declare there would be a day in which they would somehow disappear. Thankfully my morning newspaper explained things for me.
A second page story, complete with a large photograph of a bunch of women wearing large smiles, told me what was going on. The women had not really disappeared. They had simply gone to a worship service together. Hundreds of women all around the SDA had gathered on the steps of various government buildings around this idolatrous land to make their shrill little voices heard. They had all gathered to worship their god of civil government and to beseech it to give them the things they want. They were carrying signs proclaiming the things they are upset about. One sign said, "Respect Your Mother." Another sign said, "Love is Love, Black Lives Matter, and Science is Real." Yet another said, "The Future is Female." Still another said, "Keep Your Laws and Hands Off My...." I couldn't tell what the last word was supposed to be because it was a drawing instead of a word. All of the women looked like they were having a great time marching around together. The photo also showed a man in the middle of the group of ladies. I suspect he chose to identify as a woman that day.
Later on I saw a news story on the television in which three different marchers were interviewed. Each of them explained why they were out on strike that day. I wish I could tell you what their reasons were but I can't. They statements were incoherent. One said something about how women need to express solidarity, whatever that means. Another said something about the political climate and how she needed to come out to protest it. I wonder, is the current political climate experiencing global warming? She didn't say. The third said that, as a woman, she just felt like she had to join the group. Good for her. I was forced to conclude that none of the women who had gathered together in their church had the slightest idea why they were there. Or, if they really did have a reason for being there, it sure seemed as if each one of them had a very different reason.
As I sat here today contemplating the day without women it seemed to me that what they were doing was really dumb. Really, really dumb. In fact, it seemed even dumber than the funeral director for cows and the supporter of rooftop gardens. So I came to the only conclusion I could come to. Today must be stupid week and all these women are out showing just how stupid they can be. Good for them!