San Juan Mountains

San Juan Mountains
San Juan Mountains: Grenadier Range

Thursday, November 10, 2016

Who Is Wall Street?

I have been hearing a lot recently about a fellow named Wall Street.  The things I am hearing about him are not good.  In fact, career politicians competing with each other for a continuation of their jobs this election season constantly try to distance themselves from him by asserting that their opponent is a friend of Wall Street and has had the audacity to take money from him in the past.  The one thing that seems to be universally acknowledged as true is the idea that Wall Street is an evil person with no redeeming characteristics whatsoever.  Apparently all career politicians want some of his money, and his endorsement, but nobody wants to call him a friend.  Why just last night I saw a report that a bunch of envy-filled protesters gathered outside the mansion of King-elect Trump complaining that he was a friend of Wall and, as a result of that, he is not going to be their King.  This Wall fellow must be the devil incarnate.  Let's consider this absurd behavior for a while today.
I contacted former Colorado Rockies closer Huston Street to see if he could give me a lead on who this Wall fellow might be.  Huston said he had no personal knowledge of him but based upon his name he sounded like a rock solid individual.   I then contacted Picabo Street to see if she had any knowledge of who Wall might be.  She said her outgoing mail would be checked by the guards and her attorney advised her to not answer my question but she then went on to tell me, strictly off the record, that she does not personally know Wall but believes he might be a very shady character.  She suggested he might have beaten his wife at some point in the past.  Having exhausted my only two personal sources in the matter I took up another course of action.
According to what I have read in the newspapers and heard on the cable television news networks I have been able to put together a bit of a sketch of who this Wall Street fellow might be.  Here is what I have learned so far:
  • Wall is very rich.  He is so rich he is personally able to buy powerful politicians all around the country who then promise to look the other way as he engages in various nefarious activities.  He is free to do whatever he wants and nobody will ever hold him accountable. 
  • Wall is greedy. Somehow he is able to get his hands on boat loads of other people's money, which he then uses to invest in wild schemes designed to enrich himself at the expense of the rest of the citizens of the Socialist Democracy of Amerika.  Every business deal Wall has ever put together has enriched him at the expense of the people he went into business with. 
  • When Wall is successful in his business endeavors he becomes even more obscenely wealthy.  When one of his business ventures fails his buddies in career political positions convince their personal banker, currently a lady named Yellen, to give him enough money to cover his losses.
  • Despite being a very well known person, Wall has never engaged in a single socially redeeming activity.  Everything he does, whether it earns or loses him money, is evil and harmful to the economy.  Furthermore, he is a narcissistic sociopath.  He rejoices when he does harm to other human beings. 
  • Wall loves to rub people's noses in his success.  He gives himself an enormous salary from his various companies and then, to top it all off, gives himself huge bonuses every time he loses money or one of his companies goes bankrupt.  He does this just to goad the highly moral and genuinely good working people in this country.  Speaking of working people, Wall has never worked a day in his life.  All he does is move paper around. 
  • Wall has a brother named Main.  They fight all the time but Wall always wins.  When they fight and Wall wins it is always bad for Main.  You have heard the mantra before I am sure....what is good for Wall Street is bad for Main Street.
  • Hillary Clinton is somehow evil because she has accepted large amounts of money from Wall simply for coming over to his place and delivering lectures to the employees of his companies.  Hillary, to her credit, immediately after receiving her stipends for her lectures then proceeds to inform the media that she believes Wall is evil and needs to be regulated, whatever that means.
  • Donald Trump accuses Hillary Clinton of being evil because she has taken money from Wall.  Donnie proudly trumpets the alleged fact that he has never taken a nickel from Wall, even though they live almost next to each other.  I wonder if he has ever had Wall over for dinner?
  • Several years ago a group of spiritualists started a movement they called "Occupy Wall Street."  From their name I assumed they believed they had the power to possess other people. Whether they were successful at possessing Wall I do not know.  I do know that most evangelical Christians believe Wall is possessed by a demon of greed and avarice.
  • Wall Street has been convicted in various courts of law of doing something the politicians and bureaucrats call "predatory lending."  Predatory lending, as I understand it, is giving people who want money a loan.  When those people do not want to pay their loans back they run to the civil government and claim that they do not have to pay it back because they were victim's of Wall's predatory lending practices.  They always win their cases but it does not matter.  Wall is so rich he can pay off those folks and still sleep on a huge pile of money at night.
  • Wall has amazing economic power.  Whenever he wants to he can plunge the Socialist Democracy of Amerika into a recession.  He did it in 2001 and again in 2008.  The two main reasons he plunges the country into recessions are to make people lose their jobs and give him an opportunity to extract more money from his friends in powerful political positions.  He causes recessions because he loves to watch people suffer.
  • People tell me that Wall is too big to fail.  I don't know as I have never seen him personally.  He must be a very large man if he is too big to fail.  But I wonder....fail at what?  I ran across some articles about Wall that said his political buddies and his personal banker, that woman named Yellen, would never let him fail at anything.  I wonder if that means he is like Yuppie children who get trophies just for showing up?  If so he must have a very tender psyche.
Despite my best efforts to discover who this vile human being is, I have come up with nothing in my search for Wall Street.  If you happen to run into him would you please tell him I would like to talk to him?  I need a loan and I would also like some investment tips.

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