San Juan Mountains

San Juan Mountains
San Juan Mountains: Grenadier Range

Tuesday, May 24, 2016

My Congressional Address

Greetings to all of you God-hating members of the Congress of the Socialist Democracy of Amerika.  I was shocked beyond belief when you invited me to address this joint session since I have dedicated all of my adult life to mocking and ridiculing each and every one of you.  I considered turning down your invitation because I was afraid that merely being in your physical presence would cause me to experience violent attacks of projectile vomiting but I have, with the proper medication, been able to suppress my nausea.  So let's give this a go, shall we?
My mama always told me that if I did not have anything good to say about somebody I should say nothing at all.  That would make for a very short speech since I have nothing to say about you that is good.  I am going to ignore my mama's advice today and tell you what you need to hear.  Repent!  Again I say, Repent!  You are, without exception, a body of men and women who hate and despise the God of the Bible.  How do I know this?  Because you have rejected His most holy and perfect law and replaced it with a body of man-made law that mocks Him and His people.  Indeed, your very position in this immoral government exists exclusively to create immoral laws which are then passed on to your enforcement underlings to harass and demean those of us who are subject to your whims and fancies.  I say to you, to the man or woman or transvestite and without a humanoid exception, unless you repent of your sins your future will be eternal torment in the Lake of Fire.  Make no mistake, God will not be mocked. Do not confuse God's patience with indifference.  Today is the day for you to repent.  Tomorrow will be the day of judgment.
I read an article a couple of days ago about an anonymous Congressman, admitting only to being a Democrat, who has written a "tell all" book about what really goes on inside these hallowed halls.  What he wrote is no surprise to those of us who have watched you for many years.  Because the book tells the truth about you and because you are worshiped by the compliant sheeple of this land, I expect it to quickly slip away into publishers purgatory and disappear.  To keep that from happening for an additional second or two I would like to quote some of what he wrote.   According to him, "Voters claim they want substance and detailed position papers, but what they really crave are cutesy cat videos, celebrity gossip, top 10 lists, reality TV shows, tabloid tripe, and the next (expletive deleted) Twitter message...I worry about our country's future when critical issues take a backseat to the inane utterings of illiterate athletes and celebrity twits....Fundraising is so time-consuming I seldom read any bills I vote on... I don't even know how they'll be implemented or what they'll cost.  My staff gives me a last-minute briefing before I go to the floor and tells me whether to vote yea or nay.  How bad is that?...And on controversial bills I sometimes vote 'yes' on a motion and 'no' on an amendment so I can claim I'm on either side of an issue.  It's the old shell game: if you can't convince 'em, confuse 'em....Most of my colleagues are dishonest career politicians who revel in the power and special-interest money that's lavished upon them... My main job is to keep my job, to get reelected. It takes precedence over everything....Fundraising is so time consuming I seldom read any bills I vote on. Like many of my colleagues, I don't know how the legislation will be implemented, or what it'll cost.... Voters are incredibly ignorant and know little about our form of government and how it works....It's far easier than you think to manipulate a nation of naive, self-absorbed sheep who crave instant gratification....We spend money we don't have and blithely mortgage the future with a wink and a nod. Screw the next generation....Nobody here gives a rat's a** about the future and who's going to pay for all this stuff we vote for. That's the next generation's problem. It's all about immediate publicity, getting credit now, lookin' good for the upcoming election."
I don't know who the anonymous congressman is but I believe he is being way too kind to you.  Things are not nearly as tame and civil as he makes them appear to be.  Congressmen are far worse than the handful of gentle swipes he takes at you.  Your arrogance is astounding.  Your economic ignorance is befuddling.  Your total lack of character is legendary.  Your insecurity is overwhelming as you pontificate and strut around like Kings and Queens before your adoring and idolatrous public.  There is nothing you do that is good.  There is nothing you do that is helpful. There is nothing that you do that is redeeming. Together you have becomes as filthy rags, worthy only to be cast into the dump and covered with more trash.
I have held my tongue as much as I can up until this point.  Now I am going to have to exercise some tough love and say some things about you you might not appreciate.  In particular, let me give you a partial list of your sins that the God of the Bible is going to judge you for.
  1. Murder.  Insofar as you have not tirelessly worked to stop the expansion of the empire of the Socialist Democracy of Amerika you are guilty of murder.  The blood of every innocent citizen of a foreign country that you have bombed, shot, tortured and killed is on your hands.  In addition, should you make the immoral decision to re-institute the draft, you will be guilty, in addition to kidnapping,  of the deaths of all the SDA citizens who are conscripted to go and kill foreigners, including the daughters who die horrible deaths on the bloody battlefields of the Amerikan empire.
  2. False Witness.  Everything you say is a lie.  You lie anytime it is convenient for you to do so.  You lie so often and so pervasively I truly believe you no longer even know how to distinguish between a lie and the truth.  As our rulers you are held to a strict standard of honesty.  You mock that standard and brag to your fellow rulers about how you have pulled the wool over our eyes time and time again.
  3. Theft.  Every bill to establish a new welfare state program you have sponsored or voted for in your career that requires stealing money from one group of people to give to another group of people constitutes the act of theft.  That would be about 99% of the bills you have voted for.  You cannot morally do as a legislative body what you cannot morally do as an individual citizen.  Can you, as an individual citizen, force your neighbor to pay for your daughter's abortion?  Can you force him to pay for your son's education at gunpoint?  Can you go to his house with a knife every month and force him to pay for your retirement?  Even a person with a moral conscience that is completed seared like yours can see that those actions are immoral.  Yet you have consistently voted for programs that do just those things in the name of truth, justice and the Amerikan way.
  4.  Drunkenness.  We all know that Congressmen drink more than the rest of the population of this country.  We also know that the rest of this country drinks a lot.  Drunkenness is a sin and you will be accountable for it.
  5. Hypocrisy.  Jesus saved his most scathing rebuke for the Pharisees of His time to whom He once addressed seven specific instances of their hypocrisy.  He informed them that it would be better for a millstone to be hung around their necks and then be cast into the sea than to face the judgment that awaited them for their hypocrisy.  You might want to take note of that you hypocrites.  
I can see that all but a couple of congressional aides have left the building and I have no intention of engaging in a filibuster.  Your refusal to sit and listen to the truth about yourselves proves that you are beyond reach, unteachable and doomed.  Thank you for the opportunity to deliver this address and I hope you have all enjoyed this time as much as I have.

No comments:

Post a Comment