San Juan Mountains

San Juan Mountains
San Juan Mountains: Grenadier Range

Monday, May 23, 2016

My Commencement Address

Greetings to the graduating class of Philoguberno government school.  I am honored to have the opportunity to address you today although I realize that most of you will not recall anything that I say a mere couple of minutes after I finish.  I attribute your short attention span to a combination of bad parenting which allowed you to spend endless hours playing video games and bad teaching which never emphasized studying any topic in depth.  I would ask you to put down your PEDs (personal electronic devices) but I realize you are all severely addicted to them and find yourselves unable and unwilling to do so.  You believe you are multi-tasking but all you are doing is being rude.  Please try to pay attention to what I say despite the fact that the handful of you who have not already lost attention have decided to take personal offense and are accusing me of microagressions against you for what I have said.   So be it.
Congratulations on being alive.  Getting through a three year sentence of government school can often result in armed rebellions and uprisings by fellow students which can then end up in you being dead.  This is especially true when your fellow inmates....ummm.....I mean students, are addicted to government approved psychotropic drugs.  If you are sitting here today with a pulse take a moment to congratulate yourself on your survival abilities.
Congratulations on having successfully done your hard time.  Your three year sentence is up and you are now free to enter society where you will find, perhaps not surprisingly, that you will only be slightly more free than you were while imprisoned in the government school.  Those are the only two things I can think of to congratulate you for so let me move on to other topics.
During your tenure in the government school you have been indoctrinated with many beliefs.  It is my job to inform you, as the first person to speak to you as a functional adult, that everything you were taught is wrong.  Well, maybe not everything.  One plus one does equal two.  But beyond the mathematics you were taught it is most likely the case that everything else you have ostensibly learned is incorrect.  As a result you are utterly unprepared to enter the real world.  That is why most of you will probably force your parents to pay for an additional five to seven year stint in college level government schools where you will learn even more things that are not true.  Then, after exhausting your parent's financial resources you will likely move back into their homes and expect them to take care of you while you play video games in the basement for the rest of your lives.  Sadly, most of your parents will comply with your demands.
During your high school years most of you have had the displeasure of experiencing the suicide of some of your fellow students.  Your teachers brought in professional government licensed psychotherapists to help you deal with their deaths.  I have no idea how any of you might have responded to the talk therapy you received but I do know that your classmates who killed themselves performed an eminently rational act.  You have been taught that you evolved from a slime mold and that human beings are a scourge upon the earth.  You have been taught that there is no God, no ultimate truth and no final judgment at the throne of God.  You have been taught that ethics consists exclusively of building up the self esteem of homosexuals, senior Amerikans (native americans for those of you who do not understand the reference), women,  transvestites and a various assortment of other sexual perverts.  You have been taught that the free market is evil, profits are immoral and anyone who seeks to serve his fellow man by producing goods to sell to them in voluntary transactions is worse than Hitler.  Conversely you have been taught that the State, embodied in the federal government, is the pillar of society and the only thing worthy of your respect.  You have been encouraged to go into "public service" by seeking lifetime employment as a career bureaucrat or, even worse, a career politician.  Inevitably you have come to believe that political action is the only socially responsible action that exists.  As such you are prepared to do nothing but harm in the real world. Why would it not be a rational act to take one's life when confronted with those alleged truths?
Despite the fact that some of your fellow students have taken the easy way out and killed themselves, you are a resilient group.  Many of you have managed to get through school relatively unscathed as  you have fed yourself a steady diet of self-help talk.  You have done your affirmations in the mirror each day prior to going to school.  You have told yourself that you are great, you are special, you are unique and you are the center of the universe.  All of these things are untrue and have turned you into a me-monster of the nth degree.  You are only 18 years of age but you are already incapable of having a thought about anyone or anything besides yourself.  You expect the universe and everyone in it to revolve around you and, when it doesn't, you know how to throw a superb hissy-fit.  Well done!
You leave high school with high expectations.  You believe that the world owes you a living.  You believe the lies that Bernie has been telling you such as the immoral belief that your have a right to the money of the successful people in the world.  You are thoroughly indoctrinated in the tenets of socialism and you are prepared to enter into a full blown life of dependence upon the government as sheep-like citizens of the Socialist Democracy of Amerika.  This is your future.  Embrace it.  You will experience nothing but soul crushing sadness for the rest of your days.  Your life will be filled with broken relationships and binge drinking.  You will learn how to be in a constant state of anger, oscillating with depression.  You will die miserable and lonely, convinced that everyone around you just never took the time to learn about you as they should have. 
Although I consider it unlikely, it is possible that there might be one or two of you out there who actually have ears to hear wise advice.  If so, I offer these little bits of wisdom for you to consider:
  1. As you enter the real world consider the fact that it does not care about you one bit.  You are accustomed to being served but now it is your time to serve others.  If you do not enter the world prepared to serve others you will soon find yourself dependent upon government wealth transfer programs and your life as a productive human being will be over.  You will be a miserable failure the rest of your days, riddled with envy for the productive members of society and committed to socialistic political action. 
  2. Find something you love to do and figure out how to do it by serving others.  Don't be afraid to try many different things in the initial years of your careers.  It is rare to find a high school graduate who knows what he wants to do with his life.  Trust that eventually you will discover what you love and that you can do it in service to others.  Never forget that he who serves others the most always gets the most back in return.
  3. While this process of self discovery is going on be sure to pay your own bills.  Become financially independent now.  For most, but not all, women this means finding a good man and getting married. For all men it means taking control of your future and doing whatever you need to do to pay your bills.  Cut yourself off from your parent's apron strings and take responsibility for your own life.  You may have to work in many jobs that you hate in these initial years in order to get established. Quit your whining and do what needs to be done.  
  4. If you are a serious student and you want to enter a career that involves hard science and math, go ahead and go to college.  Just be sure to pay your own way as you go.  If you are not, don't waste your time and money on college.  Go find a job and begin the process of instructing yourself on how to be a productive member of society. You can study art history later, after you are established in your career.  Change jobs frequently in those early years until you find something you love to do and then do it with all your heart.  Eventually you will succeed.
That is about all I have to say today.  I have some job openings if you are willing to work as a junior-janitor for a few years.  Expect hard and dirty work and low pay but also expect an opportunity to connect to the real world like you never have before.   Believe me, if you are one of the rare individuals who can truly get outside of your own selfish desires, you will thank me someday. 

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