San Juan Mountains

San Juan Mountains
San Juan Mountains: Grenadier Range

Thursday, December 31, 2015

My Baker's Dozen New Year's Resolutions For You

It is that time of the year again.  You know what I mean.  It is time to make up your list of New Year's resolutions.  Do you have last year's list with you?  If you do, take a look at it.  How many of them were you able to keep?  I would guess that your list included something about losing weight, getting exercise, eating better and being a better person, right?  Maybe you had a resolution on your list in which you resolved to actually do some of your resolutions.  Regardless, the odds are pretty good that you are no different today than you were a year ago.  You probably weigh a little bit more, eat the same foods, engage in the same amount of exercise and display the same personality characteristics.  In other words, you are a total failure.
The Mad Welshman does not like to see, nor does he derive any satisfaction from, the failures of others.  By the way, I have resolved to not refer to myself in the third person in 2016 so allow me to rephrase that last sentence.  I do not derive any satisfaction from watching you fail to keep your resolutions.  In fact, I want you to succeed and that is why I have come up with a list of attainable New Year's resolutions just for you.  Unlike the resolutions you have failed to attain year after year, this list is eminently doable.  Not only that, if you do establish this list as your own I believe you will discover that you will become a much happier person.  The Welsh, if nothing else, are a happy people.  One of the reasons for our natural happiness is the nature of the lifestyle choices we make.  Each of the resolutions listed below are derived from my statistical analysis of how the Welsh people I know live.  So if you want 2016 to be a New Year for you, characterized by wealth, happiness and general good will, adopt this list of resolutions as your own.  If you have limited resources of will power I list them in ascending order of importance.  Therefore you may skip the earlier ones and concentrate on the last couple of resolutions if you really expect to be a failure in 2016.
  1. Take up drinking, but don't get drunk.  This one is so obvious I almost did not put it on the list.  People who drink are happier, more well adjusted and the most fun to be around in social settings.  Alcohol is a drug that God has given to man to make his burden light and his heart merry.  Evangelicals and other kill-joy Christians who despise a genuinely good feeling believe that consuming alcohol is a sin.  They are wrong.  Getting inebriated is a sin, drinking is not.  The Bible contains many verses extolling the virtues and benefits of drinking alcohol.  Did you know that we will drink alcohol in the Eternal State?  Or, to put it more accurately, those who make it to the New Jerusalem rather than the Lake of Fire will consume alcohol once they get there.  If you are a non-drinker you might want to take it up now so you will be prepared for the future.  Not only will you be happier today, you will also be prepared for eternity.
  2. Take up smoking, but don't inhale.  I call this principle "Be Like Bill," in honor of former Socialist Democracy of Amerika King Bill Clinton.  Smokers are in our society what Jews were in Nazi Germany.  There is nothing you can do to them that is too harsh, demeaning or hurtful.  According to the career politicians who rule over us, anyone who uses tobacco products is evil and doomed to hell.  How wrong it all is.  One of the blessings of the New World was the discovery of tobacco.  I bet you were not taught that in the government schools.   Because smoking is on the government's list of most terrible things to do there is an almost total blackout of information about the benefits of smoking.  Go here, here and here for articles about the benefits of smoking.  If you do decide to take up smoking I would recommend you not inhale the smoke.  You can get all of the benefits of the tobacco through the lining of your mouth without taking any of it into your lungs, where it can do some serious damage.  And, like everything else in life, the key is moderation.  You can smoke too much and end up doing more harm than good.  Follow the Golden Mean, however, and you will be fine.  You will also be happier and less prone to many debilitating diseases. 
  3. Take up exercising, but don't become obsessive/compulsive about it.  Every January I have a difficult time going to my gym because it is filled with so many new members.  Sometimes I have to wait in line to use exercise machines that I never have to wait for the rest of the year.  The reason for this state of affairs is obvious...everyone is attempting to fulfill their resolution to get more exercise.  Fortunately it only lasts a couple of weeks and things quickly return to normal.  There are few things in life as good for your body as exercising.  Despite that fact, don't forget that God says, "...bodily discipline is only of little profit, but godliness is profitable for all things since it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come."  I will get to godliness later on this list.  For now it is enough to know that bodily discipline is of some benefit, when kept in the proper perspective.  Most people never exercise and that is not okay.  Some people exercise like maniacs and that is not okay.  Follow the Golden Mean on exercise and you will be okay and happier.
  4. Eat whatever you want and avoid food fads.  Many people are never able to get off the fad diet roller coaster.  I will let you in on a little secret.  Here it is....there is no secret to losing weight.  It is a simple case of calories consumed versus calories expended.  Don't believe any talk about how eating nothing but kale will make you lose weight.  Neither will eating only grapefruit.  Neither will avoiding gluten.  Neither will avoiding fats and sugars.  Nor will eating bacon exclusively. I know of a fellow who lost weight eating only at McDonald's and not ordering anything green on the menu for an entire year.  Do you know how he did it?  He ate less calories than he consumed.  You can do the same thing.  It does not matter what you eat, just eat less than you burn and you will lose weight. Guaranteed.
  5. Lose your tattoos and never get a new one.  Admit it, as each year goes by you are less and less impressed by your tattoos.  If you have been able to actually make progress in your sense of personal security each year you have no doubt already discovered that the tattoo that was so important a few years ago is now a bit of an embarrassment.  I hope you are not one of those people who has covered his body with those eyesores.  If so, it would be prohibitively expensive to have them removed.  On the other hand, if you are considering getting one, do yourself a favor and put the decision off another year.  If you follow the other resolutions on this list you will find that by the end of the year that tattoo will no longer look like a great idea.
  6. Stop worshiping the military and, by all means, do not join it.  Unless you believe that the endless wars of imperial aggression waged by the SDA are morally justifiable (and I would like to hear your argument if you believe they are) you should not be joining the military.  People who murder others, even if they are stinkin' foreigners who deserve it, are not heroes.  They are murderers.  You do not want to be a murderer.  It takes a lot of courage to go against the overwhelming majority of people  in this militaristic country, especially when everywhere you go you are assaulted with propaganda telling you that soldiers are heroes who keep you free, but you must do it.  Principles are more important than popularity.  
  7. When it comes to the cops, keep your mouth closed, your eyes down and go to your mental happy-place until the tasers and beatings stop. Every day in the new year you will be less secure in your papers, possessions and person.  Every day in the upcoming year you will be more likely to be assaulted by a militarized police force charged with enforcing laws that impinge upon your freedom.  If you should find yourself on the receiving end of a visit from one of the jack-booted thugs who represents the law enforcement apparatus of the SDA, follow the advice above.  Consider yourself to be the social equivalent of a Jew in Nazi Germany or a black man in the pre-civil rights south.  If you are Welsh you do not have to do anything.  You are already  accustomed to being exploited by every other powerful social class that you live among.  
  8. Open a stock mutual fund and put some money into it.  A couple of weeks ago I posted a piece to this blog, found here, about how simply opening an  account with a stock mutual fund and allowing it to sit year after year, without attempting to predict the future or do any fancy market timing, is a guaranteed pathway to financial prosperity.  Go back and read that post if you do not believe me.  But you will never build a nest egg if you don't start.  And if you haven't started this year, be sure and start in 2016.  The best time to open your investment account is yesterday.  The worst time to open it is tomorrow.  Get started today.
  9. Put more money into your stock mutual fund.  Then, put in some more. The reason so many people are broke is the simple fact that most people are materialists who are unwilling to forego present consumption for future consumption.  Most people want all sorts of shiny stuff and they want it today, whether they have the money on hand to pay for it or not.  I have a name for those pitiable folks......lost souls.  If you are a materialist there is no hope for you until you change your time orientation and adopt a long term time perspective.  If you are a materialist, and you probably are, it is almost impossible for you to do that.  So I am preaching to the choir on this one, and the choir is a mighty small one from what I can see.  You know that shiny things do not bring you happiness, don't you?  Certainly if you are over 30 years of age you have learned that lesson.  So why not put that wisdom of the years into practice and abandon your materialism this year?
  10. Don't vote.  It makes you an accomplice to theft and is truly meaningless.  Democracy is an immoral system of government in that it allows the majority to steal from the minority.  As I have reported ad nauseum in this blog over the past year, the top 49% of the income population is now paying 98% of the entire federal tax bill.  That is theft on a grand scale.  When you vote for politicians who perpetuate that system you become an accessory to theft.  Indeed, when you vote for any politician who promises to rob Peter to pay Paul you are an accessory to theft.  Voting is also a meaningless activity.  No matter who you vote for and no matter who is elected the end result is always the same.  No man alive has the moral character necessary to resist the temptations associated with political power and career politician status.  They all end up becoming corrupt, every single one of them, and they all end up becoming thieves, every single one of them.  
  11. Don't worship the Beast.  Politics is truly irrelevant. Becoming politically involved is dangerous and harmful for your soul.  The Beast, in case you are not aware, is civil government in the Socialist Democracy of Amerika.  Google "Amillennialism + The Beast" if you want to read some fine articles explaining this theological position.  Each generation has its manifestation of the Beast (from the biblical book of Revelation) and our generation has the most powerfully evil representative of the Beast in human history found in the government of the SDA.  The SDA military has killed 30 million people during my lifetime as it has prosecuted wars of imperial expansion around the world.  The SDA is either universally hated or feared (sometimes both) by all of the rest of the nations in the world.  Cut yourself off from the Beast.  Ignore it.  Avoid politics at all costs.  Do everything you can to minimize the influence of the state in your life and, above all, never use the coercive power of the state to get your own way.  When you do that you become a functional beast yourself.  Whenever you feel tempted to become politically involved, go for a walk and contemplate the moral virtues of minding your own business.
  12. Worship the true and living God found in the Bible.  I list this as a most important resolution for the new year with the full knowledge that unless the Holy Spirit causes you to be born again there is nothing you can do to fulfill this resolution.  Yes, I am a Calvinist.  God has sovereignly chosen who will be saved and who will not.  Do you believe that is unfair?  God has a response for you.  He says, "who are you oh man to answer back to God?  Does not the potter have the right over the clay to make from the same lump one vessel for honorable use, and another for common use?"  Yes, those words are in the Bible. They are found immediately following a teaching passage written by the Apostle Paul in which he raises the rhetorical question, "You will say to me then, "Why does He still find fault?  For who resists His will?'"   Those questions are asked about God's choices as to who will be saved and who will not.  Is it not interesting that the hated doctrine of predestination is clearly taught in the Bible and yet Evangelicals insist that it is untrue?   Regardless of whether you are elect or reprobate (no man will know until after his death) you are commanded by God to worship Him and Him alone.  I suggest you make a commitment to do that this year.
  13. Put Down Your PED!  Although not as important as resolution number twelve, this resolution, if performed, will dramatically improve your life and bring you great happiness.  Personal Electronic Device addiction is rampant in this sad land.  People are dying in droves as a result of car accidents that are the direct result of PED addiction.  Interpersonal human communication is at an all time low as a direct result of PED addiction.  Nothing good comes from the use of a PED.  I don't own one and never will.  I am also happier than anyone else in the world that I know.  Coincidence?  I don't think so.  Put away your PED and share in my happiness.  You will never regret it.

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