Another baseball season has come to an end and the Missouri Royals are the winners of the Socialist Democracy of Amerika Series. If that first sentence confuses you, it shouldn't. Royals stadium, along with Arrowhead stadium, are on soil claimed by the Show-Me state. As such they belong to the geo-political entity known as Missouri. I recognize that fact in my first line. And who is responsible for the declaration that the final contest of the SDA baseball season is to be known as the "world" series? I think baseball leagues in Japan, Mexico and the Dominican Republic might have something to say about that. So let's all agree that the World Series really does not invite the teams of the world to compete in it and the Royals belong to Missouri. None of this detracts from the fact that the Royals played a brilliant series of games and thoroughly deserve the title of champions. Kudos to them.
I found it very difficult to cheer for a team this year. As a matter of principle I never root for the team from the American League. Why is that, you ask? Because the American League is populated by sissies that do not require the pitchers to hit. Yep, you got that right, I am a purist and I despise the designated hitter. If a man cannot play on both sides of the ball he should not be in the league. It is that simple. On the other hand, I have also made it a principle to never root for a team from the eastern time zone. The eastern sports media is insufferable. They constantly and consistently ignores high quality teams from the mountain time zone. For easterners, if it does not take place in either the pacific or eastern time zones it did not take place at all. What a bunch of jokers they are. So I entered into the final playoff series without a horse in the race. I figured I would let things play out and choose a team to cheer for as things developed.
The third game of the series decided who I was going to pull for. Noah "Thor" Syndergaard was the starting pitcher that night. The Mets had just come off two losses in Missouri and were looking to make a statement as the series returned to New York for the next three games. Thor announced in advance of the game that he had a secret weapon he was going to deploy to turn things in favor of the Mets. What was his secret weapon? As it turned out, it was a case of assault with a deadly weapon. Thor is a head-hunter and should be in prison today.
Those of you who watched the game know what happened. Throwing a hissy fit just like a spoiled little brat, Thor made the decision to throw his first pitch, a 97 mph fastball, straight at the head of the Missouri Royal's lead off hitter. The hitter dove to the ground and the blood thirsty New York fans went wild. Fortunately the hitter was able to get out of the way of the pitch, thus avoiding injury and possible death as his head/face could have been seriously damaged or destroyed by the vindictive Thor. After the game Thor justified his criminal act as necessary in order to "keep the hitters uncomfortable" while standing at the plate. "Pitching inside" as he described his assault, is necessary to give the pitcher an advantage over the hitter. Let's talk about that for a while today.
The pitcher must throw the ball over an 18 inch wide plate in order to have a chance to get a strike. Pitches thrown closer to the hitter are called "inside" and pitches thrown away from the hitter are called "outside." The hitter is permitted to take a stance anywhere within the batter's box as long as he is not in the strike zone. If the pitcher throws a pitch that strikes the batter while he is outside the strike zone he is awarded first base. So far, so good. But what happens when the pitcher intentionally throws the ball at the hitter, whether he hits him or not? Don't try to tell me that it is impossible to know when that happens. A good number of fans and all of the umpires and players know when a pitcher is intentionally trying to hit an opposing batter. Sometimes a pitch will sail and a hitter will be accidentally hit but that is a different matter entirely than when a pitcher throws a ball almost 100 miles per hour at an opposing hitter's head.
What Thor did that evening was a criminal act. Biblical law (is there any other law?) requires that he be punished for his action. I never cease to be amazed at how the violence loving fans of professional sports in the SDA rejoice when they see mayhem in their sporting arenas. What would be immediately suppressed by the jack-booted thugs if it took place on a city street is endorsed and encouraged when it takes place inside an arena. Let us be clear about one point....nobody is permitted to set aside the moral requirements of biblical law by agreeing in advance to whoop-up on each other for cash payments. Assault is assault, whether the mutually agreed contact permits it or not. It is an immoral action when two or more people sign a contract in which they voluntarily suspend biblical law in order to engage in criminal actions for cash payments. If I threw a baseball at your head while you walked down the street you could quite properly have me arrested and incarcerated. When Thor does the exact same thing he is cheered on by stupid and ignorant New Yorkers.
I have two suggestions to solve the problem of head-hunters like Thor. First, when he intentionally throws a pitch at an opposing player he should be forced to stand in place while that player intentionally throws a pitch at him. That is called the principle of lex-talionis, or "eye for an eye," and it would immediately solve the problem of idiots like Thor losing their emotional self control.
Next, the rules of baseball need to be changed. When a pitcher accidentally hits a hitter, the hitter should be awarded second base, not first. If the pitcher hits the hitter while the hitter is in the strike zone, which happens with players who stride to the plate wearing body-armor and hang over the plate seeking to be hit, the ball should be called a strike and play should continue. A pitcher can pitch inside all he wants but he will be penalized if he hits the batter while the batter is standing where he is permitted to stand.
On the other hand, when a pitcher intentionally hits a batter the pitcher should be immediately thrown out of the game and the hitter should be awarded a home run. Ideally the pitcher would be arrested and his punishment would be to stand in front of the victim to receive the exact same treatment, as a ball would be hurled at him at high speed. But we live in a world that hates the God of the Bible as well as intensely hates biblical law so I am sure that will never happen. But at least the rules of baseball can be changed to punish head-hunters like Thor.
But enough of this negativism. The citizens of Missouri should be celebrating their victorious Royals today. The team disproved the established baseball axiom that pitching wins the SDA Series. The Mets have four starting pitchers who can each throw fastballs in excess of 95 mph, with command. They had the best pitching staff in baseball this year and they were beaten by a team of no-names with incredible plate discipline. The Royals are a team of slap-hitters who simply refuse to strike out. They also play terrific defense while the Mets never met a ground ball that couldn't find its way to the outfield, often through the wickets of an infielder. The better team won the SDA series. Now let's all wait for next year when the Colorado Rockies will rise again!