San Juan Mountains

San Juan Mountains
San Juan Mountains: Grenadier Range

Tuesday, November 3, 2015

Are There Any Healthy People Left In This Sick Land?

Did you hear about the Yuppie mom in Connecticut who posted signs throughout her neighborhood accusing her neighbors of being irresponsible parents if they did not accommodate her spoiled brat's food allergies?  For the full story, go here.  This mom is waging a war against peanuts and anything else current Yuppie faddishness declares to be unhealthy to eat.  According to the sign that the mom put up on dozens of telephone poles,  her "son comes home devastated that he can't eat the candy" that has been given to him by fun-loving people in the neighborhood who understand that Halloween in the SDA is all about sugary candy.  To wage a holy food war against her neighbors she tells them that responsible parents would never give nuts or foods containing gluten to their children.  Amazingly, the news report records several people from the area who believe this insane mom's signs are a good idea.  Has the entire world gone mad?
Instead of giving out candy for Halloween the mom tells the people living in the area to give out carrots, lifesavers, lemon drops and "raisins, but stay away from Raisinettes!!!"  I guess Raisinettes are covered with chocolate and, therefore, one of the most vile and disgusting things a child could ever put in his mouth.  The woman should have just put up a big sign announcing that if she were the Supreme Fascist Dictator in her town she would declare that nobody should ever have any fun anymore.  This whole episode has left me sick to my stomach and hungry for a Three Musketeers bar.  Let's consider the mentality involved in this ridiculous slice of Yuppie behavior for a while today.
Is there anyone left in the Socialist Democracy of Amerika besides me and my wife who does not suffer from hundreds of allergies?  Growing up years ago we would occasionally run into a person or two who claimed to be allergic to various things.  Usually that meant if they consumed or brushed up against those things they would get sick and, in some severe cases, die.  We labeled those people "sickly" and made sure that we had nothing to do with them.  That made perfect sense since none of us wanted to be responsible for the death of a sickly person because we accidentally caused them to ingest something or get stung by something that brought their life to an end.  This is impossible to do today however, because everyone in the country is sickly.   It all makes me wonder....are these people really allergic to all of these things or are they just being wimps?
Gluten allergies are all the rage these days.  There is a specific disease, the name of which I have forgotten and probably could not spell even if I could remember it, that is indicated by a real and powerful negative physiological reaction to gluten.  The disease has been known for years and very few people have been diagnosed as suffering from it over the years.  Now anytime someone gets an upset stomach or a bout of diarrhea they pronounce themselves to be allergic to gluten.  My goodness, if Welshmen pronounced themselves allergic to a food just because it ended up giving us diarrhea the next day we would have to declare just about everything we eat off limits.  Maybe that is too much information about the toilet practices of the Welsh race but it is nevertheless quite true.  So what if you get a bit of a rumble in your belly after chowing down on an entire loaf of wheat bread?  So what if consuming an entire chocolate cake gives you a case of Montezuma's revenge?  You are not going to die.
Acid reflux is another popular disease these days.  It seems as if everyone has it.  I hear that it has even been determined to cause cancer in California.  Now acid reflux disease is really nothing more than heartburn and heartburn is something the Welsh know a bit about.  After devouring that aforementioned chocolate cake, washed down with a bit of Welsh whiskey, at one sitting, we inevitably come down with a raging case of heartburn.  But we don't pronounce ourselves diseased and run around telling everyone about it.  We don't tell everyone we meet on the street that they must make accommodations for us.  We just take a shot of antacid and get on with it.  It will all be out of our system the next day anyway when a bout of severe diarrhea chains us to the bathroom for a couple of hours and the offending foods are sent on their merry way.
Never having walked a mile in anyone's shoes but my own I can't pronounce anyone to be a sissy about how they might feel after eating a loaf of bread or a chocolate cake.  Maybe these poor folks really do come down with dreadful and painful symptoms that impinge on their lives and make it impossible for them to function in society.  Or maybe they are just looking for sympathy.  I don't know which situation is true and I don't know how I will ever find out what is really going on in Yuppie minds and bodies.  So that leaves me with nothing more to say about the sickly people among us. (Note:  I have changed my opinion on this matter.  Everyone claiming a gluten allergy is a sissy hypochondriac.  See the Update below.  Take the time to click through the link if you want to really be informed about alleged gluten allergies.)
I have one more thing to say about the Yuppies who attempt to enforce their wills upon others.  I cannot believe that this Yuppie mom was not rebuked by every single person in the neighborhood for her extreme selfishness and conceit.  Attempting to tell others who to do for your kid at Halloween is incomprehensible to me.  The gall, the audacity, the arrogance, the total inability to think of anyone but herself all combined to make this story unbelievable, yet it is true.  How is it even possible for a person to be so oblivious to others that she can actually come to believe that she has a moral right to tell hundreds of people to adjust their festive behavior to please her spoiled little rat of a son?  Even more disgusting is the fact that her neighbors did not slap her down for her behavior.  There was a day when a person who behaved the way this woman behaves would be socially ostracized.  Today she is praised as a crusader who is selflessly dedicating herself to a noble cause.  I only have one thing to say to this Yuppie mom...mind your own business!

Update:  November 3, 2015
A reader of this blog sent me this link.   According to the story the folks who supposedly discovered that most people have a gluten allergy have now conclusively shown that the whole thing is bunk.  I guess everybody is a sissy after all.


  1. Dear Welshy,

    I must admit I'm a sissy. I used to get really severe tummy aches every time I ate a large bunch of bananas. I figured I was allergic to them. For a chimp to be allergic to bananas is a severe limitation on quality of life. Well, one day Mata, my hairy little wife, got tired of me bellyaching about my belly aches; she told me I wouldn't get them if I simply peeled the bananas first and then chewed them up before swallowing them. It is true that I regularly eat while on the couch, engrossed in reruns of Lost in Space (Bloop is my favorite character) and The Beverly Hillbillies, and swallow bananas one after another without considering whether they should be peeled. I always felt that they slid down my throat more easily with the peel on.

    To keep a short story short, I started peeling the bananas before consuming them and the tummy aches went away. Unfortunately, my lips now get all goopy when chewing the blasted things, and I continually have to apply chapstick.

    Lancelot Link

    1. Mr. Link:
      You really should consider an alternative career as a short story writer.
      I understand the attraction of Bloop as your favorite "Lost In Space" character but wonder if you are related to the chimp that Ellie Mae always carried around with her? Have you brushed arms with Hollywood greatness?
      By the way, I once ate an entire banana cream pie at one sitting. Not to worry however, it was gone the next day.

    2. Welshy,

      In fact, Ellie Mae's chimp was Hector, my cousin twice removed on my sister's side. He claims to have beaten Jethro several times in arm wrestling, both left and right handed. Jethro was not exactly a good sport; afterwards he refused to call Hector anything other than "critter".

      As far as me brushing arms with celebrities, in college I attended a political science class with Will Robinson of "Lost in Space" and I saw Cheeta when my mama was invited to a party celebrating his retirement from Tarzan movies.

      I imagine the "before" and "after" pictures of your cream pie looked about the same.


    3. Mr. Link:
      I thought I saw a distinct family resemblance between Ellie Mae's chimp and your photo. Here is an interesting factoid about Jethro....he graduated highest in his sixth grade class, by a clean two feet! I thought it was closer to 18 inches but why quibble?