San Juan Mountains

San Juan Mountains
San Juan Mountains: Grenadier Range

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Best Valedictorian Speech Ever

I attended a high school graduation yesterday.  An extended family member managed to graduate from government school and invitations were sent out to all other extended family members announcing that fact.  When I graduated from high school, admittedly a long time ago, I didn't send out announcements declaring that fact.  I was aware that other students did such a thing but even back then I could tell that high school graduation announcements were little more than a means to beg for gifts and cash from extended family members who the graduate never thought about throughout his entire high school career.  Not being interested in becoming a beggar, I passed on the tradition of graduation announcements.
After receiving my announcement I dutiful purchased a card, stuffed it with cash and set off for the ceremony.  To my dismay the event organizers had decided to conduct the ceremony outside.  The school had an auditorium that was sufficiently large to accommodate the ceremony but, for some reason that I did not understand, they decided to hold the ceremony on the grass outside.  It was near 90 degrees with a hot sun bearing down upon my bald head when the ceremony began.  It did not take long before the sweat was pouring from my body, soaking my clothes and making me unnecessarily uncomfortable.
After the processional and the introduction given by a government school honcho, the valedictorian rose to address the audience.  I was prepared for the worst.  I was shocked by what I heard next.  Allow me to  write a paraphrase of the best valedictorian speech I have ever heard.  It went something like this:

"We all entered this high school after graduating from the eighth grade in our previous government school experience.  That graduation was a farce and, despite our tender age at the time, most of us knew it.  The entire process was nothing more than the concoction of some government school psychologist designed to enhance our allegedly low self esteem.  As we have proven over the past four years, none of us suffers from low self esteem.  If anything, we all esteem ourselves too highly.  So, to our parents who had to sit through that previous waste of time, let me apologize for the fact that you have to do it again four years later.
To our teachers I would like to say thanks for nothing.  Quoting Paul Simon I would declare that when I look back at all the crap I learned in high school, it is a wonder I can think at all.  Thanks for nothing when you taught us political correctness.  Thanks for nothing when you taught us Keynesian economics.  And most of all, thanks for nothing when you taught us to worship the government.
Now, let me get down to what I really wanted to talk about today.  I don't really care about the teachers, the parents or even my fellow students.  All I care about is me.  Therefore, I am going to tell you all about me.  Ever since I was born I can remember lying in bed at night thinking about how I liked girls.  At first the thought did not dominate my thinking but it was always there.  By the time I entered high school thinking about girls had come to dominate my thought life.  I would daydream about girls while in physics class.  I would watch the girls during gym class as they did whatever it was they were doing on the other side of the athletic fields while we were out there running around.  Finally, one day, a girl actually paid attention to me and we had a conversation.  It was love!
We rapidly progressed from our first conversation to walking along together hand in hand, then arm in arm.  Our first kiss was a magical moment in a darkened parking lot on the outskirts of the school one rainy night after a football game.  About a month later we had sex in that same car and in that same parking lot.  We were both pretty drunk at the time so I don't remember a lot about it but I am sure it was magical as well.  About a month after that we broke up.  About a month after that I had another girlfriend and the process started all over again.  Like I said, I really like girls. 
All of this is not to go into the sordid details about how all of those girls were not good enough for me.  That should be obvious.  My point today is a simple one....I like girls.  I felt compelled to tell you that here today and I expect you to applaud me for the fact that I was willing to come out to you with the truth about my heterosexuality.  Thank you for listening, if you really have, and good riddance."

Last Friday the Denver Post carried a page 2 article entitled "Student couldn't out self to class."  The article told the sad tale of a Longmont high school valedictorian who was not permitted to declare that he is a homosexual during his valedictorian speech.  The principal of the school required the student to submit his speech in advance and, after reading the proposed speech, he contacted the student's father to explain why he would not allow it.  The student told the paper that "one of my themes is that I was going to tell everyone my secrets.  My main theme is that you are supposed to be respectful of people, even if you don't agree with them.  I figured my gayness would be a very good way to address that."  How declaring he is a homosexual has anything to do with a high school graduation was not described.  Why a coming out party should be the focus of a valedictorians' speech was not addressed.  What was addressed was the fact that when the principal informed the father about the censorship of the speech the father said that he had no idea his son was a homosexual.  How about that for showing respect?  This God-hating sodomite was going to announce to the world that he was a homosexual without even telling his parents first. I find it hard to conceive of a way he could be more disrespectful of his parents.  Oh well, homosexuals are not known for their logical consistency or their respectful behavior.
Public reaction to the story was predictable.  All sorts of militant homosexual rights groups are demanding the principal be fired and the student is being hailed as a courageous hero who has suffered for the cause of righteousness.  Nobody has brought up the fact that if homosexuality is supposed to be a common, normal, and above all, moral way of life, why should a high school valedictorian decide to make it the focal point of his speech?  He might as well deliver a speech about lettuce or the primary colors.  His homosexuality should be, if his world view is accurate, a total non-issue.  Of course, his world view is not accurate and that is the source of the problem.
The speech I described above did not happen.  I wish some valedictorian had the knowledge, wisdom and courage to deliver a speech like that but we all know that is impossible.  But how does my imaginary address differ from what this homosexual student wanted to do.  Both are entirely self absorbed.  Both are totally unrelated to what is actually taking place.   And, in the case of the homosexual advocacy speech, one of them has a clear political and social agenda.  Once again the homosexuals demand that we affirm their behavior. Once again they thrust themselves upon us and demand our support.  And they have the audacity to say that they are only coming out about who they are when they do these sorts of things.  Hypocrites and liars, all of them.
I had prepared this blog post yesterday.  Today I sat down to read my morning paper and there, also on page 2, was the headline, "Valedictorian allowed to give news in speech."  The first paragraph of the story informed me that, "A Carbondale high school valedictorian received a standing ovation when she came out as gay during her graduation speech, in contrast to the treatment received by a Boulder area top student who was banned from making a similar affirmation."  The principal, who was aware of the contents of the speech in advance, said, "Her speech was courageous and would help other students feel safe at school.  She gave us insight about how we have to lead our lives."  Well there it is.  Teenage homosexuals are paragons of moral virtue.  We should all follow their courageous examples and praise behaviors that the God of the Bible condemns.  But, most importantly, we all must feel safe while attending government school.  Amen.

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